You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Congratulations! We have a period
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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