We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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