"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
