you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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