Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
