Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
