Who wears a wallet chain?!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
