Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
