So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
