I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
