I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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