I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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