WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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