There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
