Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize