After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
