I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
