If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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