Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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