Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
