it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Welp...herpes.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
