Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize