another moral hangover. fuck.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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