going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
