Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Terrible idea I love it
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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