Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
