Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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