I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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