evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
