You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
