my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
