Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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