Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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