Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
