Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize