meet me or not, i'm out of control
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
