I met the friendliest cop last night
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
