remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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