the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
