I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
