hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
