I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize