Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
