of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can't put those talents on a resume
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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