Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
