We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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