You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
