Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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