so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize