I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
