Need sex. Gaining weight.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
