yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
