i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
