Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
