atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
