You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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