My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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