There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
