My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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