Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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