they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
