Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
