Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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