she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My liver just had a heart attack.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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