normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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